© 2019 by Jason Elbinger

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Sad and Depressed

The title says it all. I know, be strong and all that. Don't worry, I am. This shit is just taking a mental toll on me. I know how to deal with it and not let it get me too down, but it is hard.

Rachel and I haven't gone out in months, it seems. We haven't even gone to the movies, and we are member of the AMC movie club! I've never eaten so much fast food crap in my life. We are members of one of those things where they send you the food and you cook it, but it sits in the fridge uncooked. I don't even want to clean the kitchen. I come home from work and all I want to do is lay in bed. Especially when I am chemo sick. Definite signs of depression, methinks.

Color me purple

Another thing that's got me pissed off is I think I may be getting the chemo brain. Things have been on the tip of my tongue, and I know what I am thinking and what I want to say, but I stumble over saying them. It happened when I was doing PT the other day. I hope it was just because I was tired.

Before I get too down in the dumps, I made an appointment with a psychiatrist at the Miami Cancer Institute. That place has all their bases covered! Imagine, a psychiatrist who specializes in cancer patients. Look, I feel like I've handled this pretty well so far, but I know my anger and depression coming through in the way I treat Rachel. She doesn't deserve it. I think I need some help, and I'm asking for it.

Thank goodness I learned how to be proactive in my own health!

I'll likely spend the weekend moping, but I'm looking forward to the psychiatrist appointment Monday. I've also booked a massage with a therapist who works at the cancer institute. Seriously, they've covered their bases.

Please visit my GoFundMe page. It's okay if you can't or choose not to contribute. Believe me, I'm grateful for the support I get on my blog. But, I would appreciate if you share it with your social media network. I hope I won't need the help, but missed days of work keep piling up, and I'm frightened about all the unknowns that may be coming.