© 2019 by Jason Elbinger

  All Rights Reserved


Save Your Work!

I had written a great blog post for tonight, but lost it all when my computer froze. I wrote about prayer and got all theological and philosophical, but it's all gone. Maybe it's better that way.

I screamed inside my head.


Today is the first day since starting the chemo that I feel normal. There are still some lingering side effects, so I have been having boyish fun with flatulence.

A friend of mine is publishing one of my posts as a stand-alone piece on his newsworthy website. I’ll give ya’ll a link to it when it goes live on Tuesday.

A dude at an NA meeting I spoke at said he thought it was marvelous how I can casually apply the coping skills and other tools I picked up in recovery to my cancer illness. The spiritual principles I learned in NA have become part of who I am and guide me even when I am unaware of it. Cool!

Back to prayer. It all started because I guy at work asked if he could pray for me. I said sure, and he asked if I was sure it was okay. I told him it was. What’s up with the double asking?

I’m grateful he wants to pray for me, but it won’t do anything for me directly. Prayer is a personal thing, and I don’t expect an ancient omniscient super-being who lives in the sky to reach out, touch my colon with a wisp of a cloud or something, and make me better.

That’s not to blaspheme religion. If religion helps someone lead a good life, then I’m all for it. But prayer for me is an inside job. I pray to my Higher Power to help me live a life guided by the spiritual principles of Narcotics Anonymous, such as willingness, acceptance, unconditional love, hope, faith, and service. The eleventh step says, “We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscience contact with God, as we understood him, praying only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry it out.” So that’s what I do: I conspire with my HP to align my will with his will for me. That’s it. And what is my Higher Power? It’s just the spiritual principles themselves, so I never ask for physical things when I pray. I ask for the strength to stay on the narrow path of a spiritual life.

And to think I wrote about farting earlier! I have labs done on Wednesday and see my oncologist after. I’m excited to hear what he has to say about me.

Thanks everyone for your support. I appreciate it! Feel free to put links to my webpage on Facebook, Myspace, or Friendster.